Made New

One of the reasons I started blogging and sharing my story on Instagram is because I saw a void of recent loss stories in 2017. No one in my immediate community of family and friends had experienced the traumatic loss of a child. I knew God was very much for me but I never felt…

Thy Will

  I’m so confused I know I heard you loud and clear So, I followed through Somehow I ended up here I don’t wanna think I may never understand That my broken heart is a part of your plan When I try to pray All I got is hurt and these four words Thy will…

Day 4: Don’t Pray Away

What is a situation in your life where you saw God change you through it rather than simply make the problem go away? Every day I replay the memory of Zeke’s life and death in the hospital. Sometimes the memory occurs right when I wake up. Sometimes it plays randomly throughout the day. Today it…

Day 1: The 40 Day Prayer Challenge

The concept of Big Faith. What does it mean? What happens when you dive headfirst into a situation, abandoning all your fears, shame, memories of the past, doubt and uncertainty all at the feet of Jesus? What does it really mean to dedicate your life fully and completely in the presence of the Lord? My…

Seasons

I’m winding down for the year and wrapping up the school and work season. I’ve been mulling over some new entries and will be updating in the next several days. In the meantime, I leave you with a song that has been on repeat on my playlist. I believe that my season will come.   …

The battle continues

It has been six months since the passing of Zeke. Three months since my TAC surgery. My grief continues to come in waves. Other days I am fine. Some days I am not. As the holiday season approaches, it absolutely breaks my heart that the homecoming arrival of my son to San Diego during the…

Invisible Boundaries

It’s been well over a month post-TAC surgery. I’ve received some questions on Abbyloopers about my recovery so I just wanted to check-in. I’m so thankful to say that my recovery has gone really well. Days after my surgery, I was resuming normal activity and walking around for miles a day here in NYC, albeit…

Do It Again

Counting down two weeks and some change until my TAC surgery! I have updates to write about my follow-up appointments with my OB/GYN and my appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist at Weill-Cornell yesterday. These posts will have to wait until I get through all my work the next couple of days. In the…

God of Miracles

After seven weeks of short-term disability and bereavement leave, I headed back to work this week. I expected the awkwardness but it was still painful. “It was a surprise to all of us. Listen – I don’t even know what to say to you.” “Usually management sends pictures of the baby after delivery. How are you? How’s…

Pregnancy Reflections

For the most part, I had an uneventful pregnancy with Ezekiel. I did the exact opposite of what I did during my pregnancy with my daughter. I ate well, I exercised, I wasn’t as stressed, and I didn’t travel as much except for the occasional San Francisco and two week long international work trips. While…