The battle continues

It has been six months since the passing of Zeke. Three months since my TAC surgery. My grief continues to come in waves. Other days I am fine. Some days I am not. As the holiday season approaches, it absolutely breaks my heart that the homecoming arrival of my son to San Diego during the…

Invisible Boundaries

It’s been well over a month post-TAC surgery. I’ve received some questions on Abbyloopers about my recovery so I just wanted to check-in. I’m so thankful to say that my recovery has gone really well. Days after my surgery, I was resuming normal activity and walking around for miles a day here in NYC, albeit…

Do It Again

Counting down two weeks and some change until my TAC surgery! I have updates to write about my follow-up appointments with my OB/GYN and my appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist at Weill-Cornell yesterday. These posts will have to wait until I get through all my work the next couple of days. In the…

Explaining loss to a Kindergartner 

One of the most heartbreaking experiences of losing my son has been telling my daughter about his death. For 5.5 months, she asked so many questions about him and would always talk to my belly.  “It’s a boy, mommy! Now I don’t have to share my toys!”  “Good morning, baby brother!”  On our morning commute…

My Phone Consult with Dr. Haney

On the day of my phone consult with Dr. Haney, I paused and invited God into my conversation with him. I asked God for his guidance in helping me to determine if this is the procedure I should complete and if Dr. Haney was the doctor I should go to. I had been thinking non-stop…

Pregnancy Reflections

For the most part, I had an uneventful pregnancy with Ezekiel. I did the exact opposite of what I did during my pregnancy with my daughter. I ate well, I exercised, I wasn’t as stressed, and I didn’t travel as much except for the occasional San Francisco and two week long international work trips. While…

Day 3

During Day 3 of my hospital stay, I awoke to sunshine flooding into the room. I placed my hand on my belly and Ezekiel was moving around and kicking. I smiled and thanked God for another day on earth with my baby. Despite the dismal news of Friday and Saturday, that Sunday, I felt hopeful….

Day 2

I woke up multiple times in the early morning. It was impossible to sleep at the hospital being monitored every four hours by the night shift nurse. Every four hours was a temperature, pulse, and blood pressure check. To top that off, I had to use the bathroom frequently. I started using a bed pan…

Day 1

On Friday, March 31, I went in for a routine anatomy scan for our son and everything started fine. Ten fingers, ten toes. Brain, heart, and lungs developing perfectly. I laughed and joked with the technician since we both lived in San Diego and how ironic it was that we ended up in New York…