Explaining loss to a Kindergartner 

One of the most heartbreaking experiences of losing my son has been telling my daughter about his death. For 5.5 months, she asked so many questions about him and would always talk to my belly.  “It’s a boy, mommy! Now I don’t have to share my toys!”  “Good morning, baby brother!”  On our morning commute…

My Phone Consult with Dr. Haney

On the day of my phone consult with Dr. Haney, I paused and invited God into my conversation with him. I asked God for his guidance in helping me to determine if this is the procedure I should complete and if Dr. Haney was the doctor I should go to. I had been thinking non-stop…

Baby Steps to my TAC

On April 25th, I took my first step towards getting a transabdominal cerclage by contacting Dr. Haney via email. Dear Dr. Haney,   I am writing to you in hopes that you can help my husband and I.   I am a healthy 34-year-old woman who resides in NYC. My husband and I have a healthy, beautiful 6…

God of Miracles

After seven weeks of short-term disability and bereavement leave, I headed back to work this week. I expected the awkwardness but it was still painful. “It was a surprise to all of us. Listen – I don’t even know what to say to you.” “Usually management sends pictures of the baby after delivery. How are you? How’s…

Why do you want a transabdominal cerclage?

After experiencing the loss of my son, there is nothing more in the world that I would want for my family other than to be happy again. Happiness, in my mind, equates to having the opportunity to have more healthy, happy, beautiful children living here on this earth. Children who will live full, long lives….

Pregnancy Reflections

For the most part, I had an uneventful pregnancy with Ezekiel. I did the exact opposite of what I did during my pregnancy with my daughter. I ate well, I exercised, I wasn’t as stressed, and I didn’t travel as much except for the occasional San Francisco and two week long international work trips. While…

Day 3

During Day 3 of my hospital stay, I awoke to sunshine flooding into the room. I placed my hand on my belly and Ezekiel was moving around and kicking. I smiled and thanked God for another day on earth with my baby. Despite the dismal news of Friday and Saturday, that Sunday, I felt hopeful….

Day 2

I woke up multiple times in the early morning. It was impossible to sleep at the hospital being monitored every four hours by the night shift nurse. Every four hours was a temperature, pulse, and blood pressure check. To top that off, I had to use the bathroom frequently. I started using a bed pan…

Day 1

On Friday, March 31, I went in for a routine anatomy scan for our son and everything started fine. Ten fingers, ten toes. Brain, heart, and lungs developing perfectly. I laughed and joked with the technician since we both lived in San Diego and how ironic it was that we ended up in New York…